This summer, I turn 45. FORTY. FIVE. I will say it’s been a tough pill to swallow. I am married to the most wonderful man on the planet who tells me every day I am gorgeous, sexy, etc. But I wasn’t feeling it myself. I was heavier than I had ever been since having a son at 41. My body didn’t feel like it once did. It was a foreign entity to me. And no matter how many times I heard the words “you are so gorgeous” from my husband, I just felt like screaming BUT I’M NOT! Can’t you see these scars from all the surgeries? The C-section scar? The cellulite? This weird thing I’m supposed to accept as my body now??

I was excited right up until the week before my shoot, and I panicked. I wanted to cancel. I didn’t like being half-naked in front of my own husband let alone a complete stranger. I texted Kristen not to let me cancel. I was terrified. She called. She soothed the fears. Let me know I was feeling something everyone feels before their shoots too. It was ok. Just breathe. And don’t cancel.

Day of the shoot. Omg. I wanted to throw up. I was so nervous, excited, terrified, scared..you name it, I was feeling it. But once I walked into this gorgeous studio and started getting pampered, the storm of emotions calmed inside me.

But then I had to change clothes. Be half-naked. And take pictures. Lord, help me. The first outfit was my husband’s shirt. I did everything Kristen said to do. We talked. We laughed. I forgot everything that was holding me back. I was nailing this shoot. Then the second outfit. Boom! The confidence oozed from my pores. I wasn’t a wife or mom or nurse or anything anymore. I was ME! I had found myself again. The confidence I once had. Then I saw the pictures, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I saw beauty. And not just outwardly. I saw it in my eyes. My soul.

This session was more than a photoshoot. This session helped me find me again. And 45 is looking pretty good to me.

Hair and makeup by Declan + Mae