I Was About To Call And Cancel

In January 2019, I joined Weight Watchers. I lost 35 pounds and started to really feel good about myself. But I kept thinking I was still fat and I still didn’t think I was smaller (or even pretty enough).

I needed more. I began taking diet pills and exercising more until I made myself sick. So I stopped. Then I began looking into boudoir sessions. And seeing even plus size women ( which I am) look amazing and very pretty.

Then I found Kristen.

Kristen and I spoke on the phone and even though I was just super nervous, she was like talking to a friend (not like an interview like I was expecting).

I signed up for my September shoot.

I began looking and trying on outfits. I probably second-guessed myself a hundred times. Nothing I seemed to find or purchase made me feel sexy enough for this sort of picture.

I was about to call and cancel. I began to tell myself negative thoughts, “that’s right, you’re not going to look good, these types of pictures are for smaller and pretty women. You have a double chin and a round mommy tummy,” and it went on.

I texted Kristen, telling her how I was second-guessing everything. She said breathe, grab your outfits, and snap a picture! I’m trying on lingerie and sending pics to a total stranger. I was very intimidated and thought about what she going to think and say.

But she was very positive, giving me loving feedback, and told me I had chosen good outfit choices.

I felt a little better. I began to tell myself positive things. I didn’t quit!

I was so happy when I saw my sneak peek. I actually cried. I was so taken back in awe of how little red lips and a hairstyle from Meghan with Kristen’s talented photography skills made me look so pretty!

I’m so glad I did this. I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and didn’t cancel. Seeing myself that way in my pictures proves to me how far I’ve come and that I’ve overcome so much.

From 7 major surgeries from birth to age 14, a victim of childhood sexual molestation, my father’s death at only 14, and finally getting my son after 5 repeated losses.

I am ready to book another one. BRING IT ON!

Hair & Makeup by Declan+Mae