The last few months, like everyone, we’ve been quarantined to work from home, but while this is my third shoot, I wanted to go back to something familiar that I knew I would love. Having done two others before, I loved how these shoots made me feel: strong, confident, gorgeous, and above all not hiding in the shadows.
I’ve always been on two sides of the show, in the front or hiding in the background. Having married a wrestler, and have retired from managing him at ringside, I took a job in the back for business and had resigned to be in the background, and in the same breath, invisible. Before stepping back, I loved looking beautiful, and while supporting my husband, doing something the both of us loved. It was what brought us together and what keeps us from never having a dull moment.
But with being home for a year with no wrestling, no outside the house, and waiting on our adoption to come through, I had allowed myself to become the worst version of myself, the silent partner who has no face or voice.
So when I decided to go into round three, and maybe even more, was that I wanted to be seen, I wanted to have my voice heard and I wanted to be the one in the spotlight again.
When you’ve dealt with depression, anxiety, and loss, sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are the one that has to live in your skin. You have to be comfortable in that skin, and if it’s time to show that skin in something beautiful, or even just the skin period, it’s time to allow that to happen.
No holding back on life and on love and that is what pushed me to do this again. I needed that time in the sun.
Honestly, I had thought about canceling a few times. I’d started the email, the text, or the message more than a couple of times because I’d put on at least thirty pounds since staying away from everyone and at home. I was very, very aware that I had changed and it would show. But it took a literal kick in the pants by not only my doctor but by my husband telling me that it doesn’t matter if I had gained weight, lost weight, or any other change, it’s still me.
So I canceled my messages and decided to go shopping and make the best of any situation. It made me realize that at the end of the day, it’s still me in that skin.
I had thought about it not being available when I would have liked to, but after the world moving last year, I decided that I was going to do this. No matter what. If it took time to wait on another date, that’s fine. I’m flexible. 🙂
My confidence has taken its place. I’ve finally gotten used to seeing how things can be instead of the worst version of myself I can see.
I still have days where I see what version I do not want to see, the shy poor girl that no one ever paid attention to. But I go back and I see a progression of confidence. From the first all the way to the newest set of photos, I can see how I’ve gotten a little more comfortable with myself and with the process and have learned to enjoy it.
Make the most out of the moment and the most out of life.
I’ll tell them the same thing I had to tell myself over and over again, this is not about anyone else. This is something for you. It’s to help not only your self-image, but this is something that you shouldn’t stop yourself from doing.
We only get one trip in this life, so enjoy every minute of it.
Hair & Makeup by Declan+Mae