I have never been a “thin” girl

Boudoir, when I say the word my mind goes to something like a movie. It’s a “classic” word. I have always loved pin-up style photography and all photos of Marilyn Monroe. It reminds me of Hollywood glam and some of the most beautiful women in the world. That being said, I never thought I would even consider having my photo taken in such a vulnerable setting. 

I have never been a “thin” girl. I have been in shape, but I have always had “shape” lol. I have never worn single digit clothes, a true bikini, or anything without a bra! It was made known to me at a young age that I wasn’t made for “those” styles. Of course, when you start telling a young woman she can’t wear things and don’t show her other viable options she will begin to see herself in a negative light. I did. 

Most people didn’t know how self-conscious I was until after I was the mother of my wonderful boys. Apparently, I have polycystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS for short. I am blessed to have children and my body should be just a side note. However, it isn’t. Losing weight for me is like sucking a watermelon through a garden hose! I never thought I would be confident in my skin ever again. 

Fast forward to my 30th Birthday. It changed my life. I realized then that I either have to love me how I am or I will never be a better me. I started seeing Boudoir everywhere. My husband wanted me to do it for him. He loves me just the way I am and if I could see myself how he sees me I would be a whole lot better off. When I contacted Kristen I told her I would lose 50lbs and then definitely schedule. She told me she was sure I was fine the way I was but would wait for me to call. I did lose 25lbs, but when the kids were out of school I ate more and I ate carbs! I gained most of it back.

I had noticed another woman had taken photos that I knew and I desperately wanted to do the session. So, I said, “self you better get ready, because we are going to show nothing but confidence”. After I scheduled I almost canceled twice. I tried to make excuses in my mind. The day of the shoot I almost didn’t show. I’m not a morning person and thought I could convince myself that if I missed it was because of that. I woke up on my own. I laid there and forced myself to go. 

The second I walked in I felt comfortable. I had prepared and looked at everyone’s photos, poses, outfits. I brought items I knew I would be comfortable in. The makeup and hair was done to perfection. By the time I walked in to get “dressed” I was the me that would get fancy to walk to the mailbox. I wasn’t mom, wife, entrepreneur… I was the young lady that could catch the eye of any man. 

I didn’t think of the shoot as being awkward like I had feared. I joked with Kristen and laughed. At no point did I feel like she saw my body as anything other than a beautiful image she was shooting. I think that is the key to a successful Boudoir shoot. You can have all the confidence in the world but if the person taking the picture makes you feel awkward you can hang it up. Her images and poses are like what I have always admired. When she sent me my sneak peek I thought she was sending me a coupon for friends. I thought ”oh that’s a pretty girl” and then I realized it was me! 

I will cherish my photos for a lifetime. They were well worth everything! A woman once told me she regretted thinking she shouldn’t take pictures of herself for anything because she always felt fat, frumpy, not ready, etc.. She didn’t have many photos of herself with her kids, husband, or alone. I don’t want to be that way. I am so thankful I did it. Honestly, I will definitely do it again!

Hair and makeup by Meghan Lee